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When I was younger, I was deeply involved with the Stoics. The words of Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus provided me with both a destination and a map for living my best life. In short, my focus was singular: to care solely about that which pertains to the development of my character.
If you were to ask me what I thought what actions were good or bad, I would give an answer but it wouldn’t be a well-thought one. It was simply this idea of virtue. It was the idea of doing the most good that I could do that pushed me.
I think that’s still my compass. However, I long ago dropped the map. The Stoics tell us not to care about anything outside of our control. That feels cold. When I was deep in Stoicism, it felt like I was disregarding a key part of life. Feelings like love and compassion felt inaccessible. Moreover, I didn’t pay attention to my own emotions. If I was having a tough day because things weren’t going away, instead of listening to that emotion and trying to understand what was going on, I threw it away. I reasoned that nothing causing that emotion was in my control and thus I shouldn’t be sad.
Realizing that Stoicism wasn’t as useful for me as it once was, I distanced myself from it. I embraced my emotions — I didn’t run from them. And I grew. When I felt sad or uncomfortable, I didn’t tell myself whether…
